Pastor Tubbs

When it comes to a post like this, I wish I were NOT a pastor, so that I could post it without any apprehension that it will be dismissed as self-serving. I’m going to have to take that risk, though, as I believe God has allowed me to learn some things over the last 5 years I’ve served as a senior pastor…a few of which I want to pass on through this note. Let me say clearly that, yes, I’ve been hurt at times in ministry, and perhaps some of that frustration will come through in this. I hope not, because I’m not writing this with that kind of spirit, but I’m human, so I welcome you to set aside anything that comes from my flesh.

The TRUTH is…I am blessed. I count myself VERY blessed to serve the church I now pastor as well as the previous congregation I served in Ohio. I have nothing but gratitude and love to convey to each of those congregations. Even the times I’ve been hurt pale in comparison to what I’ve seen and heard from others in the ministry. So many of my pastor friends have had far worse situations. I hope you’ll take it in the humble spirit it’s offered and think of these things in relation to your own pastor in your own congregation.

Here are six things every pastor wants to hear and loves to hear from members of the church he serves:

1) “I’m praying for you.”

Every pastor wants to know that the members he serves are lifting him and his family up in prayer. Spiritual warfare is real in ministry, and pastors need prayer cover. Many years ago, when I learned that a pastor I loved fell into sin, my first and painful realization was that I wasn’t praying for him. Pastors are human. They are susceptible to stress, anxiety, temptation, etc., etc. They need prayer.

Prayer is especially pertinent when it comes to grievances. We are quick to complain and slow to prayer. Christians spend a great deal of time, in fact, complaining and griping, and very little in prayer. When you’re upset about something in the church or something with your pastor, why not devote the majority of your time to prayer over the matter? And when it comes time to talk about the issue, rather than complain about it, follow Jesus’ prescription for church conflict in Matthew 18.

Pray for your pastor and let your pastor know that you’re doing so.

2) “Thank you.”

Sometimes, a simple thank you goes a long way. If your pastor preaches a message that touches your heart, why not thank him for it? After all, he spent many hours in prayer and preparation before giving that message. Why not thank him for that time and effort? If the pastor has helped you through a crisis in your life or was there for you when you needed it, thank him. Of course, it doesn’t have to be anything dramatic. It may simply be that you recognize he did something nice for the church or for someone else – or maybe you just want to acknowledge his overall commitment. It’s never wrong to let someone know you appreciate his or her efforts.

3) “We’re glad to have you as our pastor.”

You may not realize it, but even the most beloved pastors have a few disgruntled members in their congregation that would prefer they find somewhere else to pastor. And those are the voices, either directly or indirectly, that pastors tend to hear the most. Obviously, in some cases, pastors have disqualified themselves. In those cases, they need to be lovingly removed. But failing dereliction of duty or some kind of moral failure (see I Timothy 3), the pastor deserves the support of his congregation. And the congregation should show that support by encouraging him. It’s a biblical command, in fact, that we are to “encourage one another” in the church. Encourage your pastor.

4) “Did you take your day off this week?”

It is one of the Ten Commandments, and yet many pastors do NOT take a day off of work. In fact, I dare say that most pastors fail to truly set their work aside completely for at least one day a week. Not only is it a biblical command that they do so, but numerous medical and psychological studies will tell you that it’s healthy to take at least one day off of work each week. And labor unions have conditioned the American workforce to, in fact, expect two days off a week. This is the toughest challenge for me, because ministry is never done. There’s always another phone call to make, another meeting that I need to attend to, or another family that needs pastoral care. It never ends. I have to force myself to stop and take a day of rest. And it’s not easy. Yet, it’s healthy and it’s biblical…and essential for a solid family life. I hope your church is the type of church that not only allows its pastor to take a day off each week, but FORCES him to do so.

5) “How can I help?”

A pastor is human. He can only be at one place at one time. He’s not always available. When he’s visiting with one family, he can’t simultaneously visit with another. When he’s in a close door, sensitive meeting, he can’t take a phone call, unless it’s a dire emergency. When he’s on a date with his wife, he should NOT take a phone call. And when he’s in prayer or in Bible study, he needs to guard that time, because those are the most important aspects of his job (see Acts 6). The pastor is limited in his time, his presence, his availability, and his energy. In his great book “The Disciple-Making Church,” Bill Hull makes the argument that churches are NOT supposed to center around pastors. He writes: “Can one man preach Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night; attend committee meetings, Sunday school socials, and denominational meetings; and still do all the counseling and administration of the church? No!” Hull makes the point that it’s not supposed to be that way anyway. The pastor not only needs help, but is SUPPOSED to get help. Why? Because the entire body of believers in each church is to do the work of the ministry, not simply the pastor (see I Corinthians 12, Ephesians 4 and Galatians 6).

What’s more, the pastor does NOT have all the spiritual gifts, yet (deep down) many church members think that when God calls a pastor, He equips that pastor with all the talents, gifts, and abilities needed to meet the expectations of the church to which the pastor is called. It’s ludicrous…not to mention completely unbiblical. It’s not the pastor that is supposed to bear the burdens of everyone in the church. The church members are supposed to “bear one another’s burdens” (see Galatians 6). The pastor’s call is very specific, and God will equip the pastor with the gifts, talents, and abilities he needs to fulfill that specific call…a call that must be performed to God’s specifications, not the individual preferences or demands of every church member. Nevertheless, the myth that the pastor should be good at everything and meet every need persists. Bill Hull writes mockingly of such expectations, taking on the role of a disgruntled church member: “[The pastor] doesn’t preach as well as Chuck Swindoll, counsel like James Dobson, care for others the way MOther Teresa does, manage like Peter Drucker, and motivate like Ronald Reagan.” Some pastors are great at casting a vision and/or planning out their ministry and/or managing staff. Others are great at visitation, counseling, and hospitality. Others are supremely gifted in teaching and preaching. Some pastors are big picture oriented, while others are great at details. Some pastors excel in large churches, while others do great in small churches. Some pastors thrive in the associate, support role, but struggle as a senior pastor. Very few pastors are highly gifted in all of preceding areas.

Pastors are diverse in their personalities, gifts, talents, strengths, etc. Unfortunately, this is not always accepted by churches. Hull explains: “People will accept one another’s strengths and weaknesses, but they do not extend the same courtesy to the clergy. They look at the pastor’s strengths, and instead of thanking God for his gifts and allowing him to concentrate in those areas, they roundly criticize his nongiftedness and hound him to work on his ‘weakness.’ Few people could survive the ridiculous expectations churches place on their leaders. We stand them up in front and proceed to pick them apart.”

Rather than “pick apart” your pastor, help him. Get involved in the church and fill in the gaps. Don’t complain about the areas of weaknesses. Step in and support those areas. Ministry is a team effort.

6) “We love you.”

There have been some dark times in ministry…times of loneliness and, yes, discouragement. Times when I’ve felt like “What’s the use?” Just being real with you. And almost every time, God has sent a church member my way to encourage me and say those words: “We love you.” When the words are sincere, I can’t tell you how much they’ve meant to me. One time, after a week that I’d been slammed by one of my critics and was feeling pretty low, one of the deacons in our church reached over, gave me a one-arm bear hug and said: “Love you, brother!” That meant a lot to me.

Your pastor isn’t just your pastor. He’s your brother in Christ. And God wants His family, His children, to be united in love. You should love your brothers and sisters in Christ as if they were your real flesh-and-blood family. This should especially be the case in your church. God wants unity, harmony, and joy in His congregations….not gossip, slander, division, and petty squabbling. “By this shall all men know that you are my disciples,” declared the Son of God. “That you have love one for another!” Do you love your pastor? If not, you should. And, if you do, then tell him.

Let me close by saying I count myself blessed to serve a wonderful congregation in Olney, Maryland. I love them and they (at least most of them ) love me. I’m not writing this to send a message to them or my previous congregation in Ohio. I truly am not. I’m writing this, because it’s been on my heart to write something like this for months. After much delay, I felt God push me to do so. I hope it will give my readers a window into a pastor’s heart. That is the extent of my “agenda” (such as it is). And hopefully, a few of you will be encouraged to pray a little more for your pastor and perhaps take some of these ideas to heart.

God bless you.